I recently participated at a men's retreat as a panelist discussing marriage and parenting. One of the questions of the panel was “how do I prepare as a dad for my baby girl before she gets here” Wow, what a question.
After the laughter of the dads in the room died down and the typical answer of ‘get used to no sleep’ was shared I had my opportunity and though my answer was truthful and heartfelt, time has helped me think through the depth of the question and here is what I wish I had said:
1. Do NOT READ ALL THOSE BABY BOOKS! Except Scripture. Your Child is Yours. Our first daughter did not follow BabyWise at all! It caused my wife months of frustration.
Once we allowed ourselves the freedom to just love her through the issues things went SO much better. Books do have a place but there is no formula to understanding a child. Take what you read with a grain of salt and proceed using your instincts, think about what to do, then get to it.
We were actually told “you are doing it wrong.” Though the ‘friends’ were well meaning they did not know my daughter at all. They had not dealt with her colic, they had not dealt with her fits of rage or angry sleepless nights. I am thankful we stopped listening to all that was out there and started just learning together with our baby.
2. Go ahead and cringe as you see your worst traits being acted out by your children. Dad, it is your job to guard their hearts and ask God for His help to become the man He knows you can be.
Work to become the example God knows you can be for your son or daughter. They are watching and listening to everything you say and do. You are the example your son will use to become a Godly man and the filter through which your daughter will choose a Godly husband.
3. Don’t sweat the dietary indiscretions and you are not a bad parent just because you do not prepare your own organic baby food. We FREAKED when we caught our toddler with the tail of a gecko hanging out of her mouth as she was chewing. She survived without a trip to the doctor.
Her mother was horrified and asked me “Am I a bad Mom?” over and over. Help your wife get to the point she can laugh about it. For my wife it only took about 15 years.
4. Sleep when they are sleeping. The house cleaning can wait - really it can. Tell your wife it is 
5. When you feel overwhelmed, ASK for help. Your parents, spouse’s parents, church family, and friends are willing to give you a respite. You are not the first or only couple to deal with this. I am not just talking about no sleep but sometimes raising kids is just overwhelming. You may need an evening to enjoy dinner out like ‘normal’ people. It is okay.
6. Children are resilient (Thankfully) - this goes back to 3. You will make mistakes. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. This is very humbling but remember #2, and it will increase and deepen your relationship with your children.
7. Discipline is LOVE. Yes, discipline is okay when you discipline in and with love. Again - stop reading those other books. Remember discipline should always be administered in love. Read scripture to gain perspective. I knew I loved my girls too much to allow them to continue disobeying us.
If they cannot submit to you, they will not know how to submit to God. As the dad I believe Scripture clearly places the responsibility on my shoulders to lead them to Him and help prepare their hearts. If she can not accept my authority in her life, how can she accept His authority?
9. When you hear yourself saying things to your kids that your parents said to you and you swore you would never say to your kids - laugh and enjoy the irony.
10. Your wife needs your support. If she has been home all day, as you walk in, ask for the baby and ask if she would like a little time to herself before sharing every detail about her day. Then let her know that you and the baby want to hear all about it but not until she is ready.
Bonus - As children get older they will not typically want to share how they are feeling easily. You know the drill - You: “How was your day at school?” Kid: “Nothing to report…”
So think about it, when do the younger kids want to talk? Always at the most inconvenient times. When you are putting them down to sleep that is when they are the most talkative, at least mine are. When do they want your attention? During the ‘Big Game’. Ask yourself ‘why?’ They need to know you love them more than the game.
My suggestion is to lay down in bed and visit with them. Pause and DVR the game and sit them in your lap (or sit on the floor with them) and listen. The investment of a little perceived inconvenience will pay big dividends during the teen years. I guarantee it!
My mom told me when we had our first daughter that “Children will bring your greatest joys and your deepest sorrows.” She was right, and it is worth it all!
There is much more to share but this is what quickly comes to mind. I wish I knew who it was that asked the question. I would like to share all this with him. I wish someone had shared these kinds of thoughts with me.